A LITTLE LESS WORRY

Today I woke up thinking about how anxious and nervous I had always been.  It's crazy.  I would get so worked up over just about everything.  It would affect my sleep and I could be overwhelmingly OCD about things.  For example, I was thinking about this coming weekend.  I'm heading to Norfolk with one of my best friends to see one of my favorite musicians.  Normally, I would have directions printed out, the name of the hotel we are staying at and all my ducks in a row, neatly in a folder on the dining room table.  I would worry about leaving the kids and preparing them for wherever they may be staying for the night.  Instructions on how to care for them all written out and bags in the process of being packed.  None of that is done and it probably won't be until Friday morning.  And, there will be no instructions and everything will be just fine.  I will get a good night's sleep every night and not worry.

In the past 18 months I think it's the one thing that sticks out the most.  The lack of worry.  Don't get me wrong, I still worry over little things even though I try not to.  I get less anxious and less nervous about things.  I think when the absolute worst-case-scenario happens to you, it's one of the blessings on the flip side.  I spent my whole life worrying about the "what-ifs" and it did me no good.  I get to enjoy life a little more.  I get to be a little calmer and a lot more relaxed.  Everything is okay and just as it should be.

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.  ~Swedish Proverb

So, today, as I make my daily "to-do" list, I don't stress that everything might not get done.  I do my best, keep moving forward and enjoy the small things.

HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY

"Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late. Today, this hour, this minute is the day, the hour, the minute for each of us to sense the fact that life is good, with all of its trials and troubles, and perhaps more interesting because of them." — Robert R. Updegraff

FEBRUARY IS FULL OF LOVE

LOVE

 "Accept the things to which fate binds you and love the people with whom fate brings you together but do so with all your heart." ~Marcus Aurelius

LOVE

"With love, even the rocks will open." ~ Hazret Inayat Khan

Just a thought for today.  Go out into the day and just love everything and everyone in it with no exceptions. 

ANXIOUS

This morning I'm just anxious, for a lot of reasons.  Lots of other mixed emotions going on, too....bitter, hurt, angry....keep coming up and I don't like those at all.  Glad I have counseling today! I tend to feel slightly off and a little not-so-sane before I go and then magically all is put into perspective and I leave feeling centered and balanced.  I think sometimes we get so stuck in our own heads and need to work through our thoughts and feelings.  In the past, I have strictly relied on friends (as do most of us) to work through things, be our sounding boards.  Anyway, I guess my point is, don't let how you feel get the best of you, talk your way through it....with someone.....find your center and balance....your happy. 

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony. Thomas Merton 

FULL STEAM AHEAD

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!  It is so strange to me how I can be so "full steam ahead" like it's nobody's business and a phone call can stop me in my tracks.  A simple message from a good friend and I've been sitting on the message for a full week, unable to return the phone call.  I just can't seem to dial the numbers.  This friend was someone who came into my and Mark's life at the same time.  I'm unsure if I talked to this person in the first few months after Mark died, those first few months being one huge blur.  And, now, so much time has gone by it just seems that it brings up so many memories, it's another hurdle for me, another reminder of what's gone.  Mark was a huge piece of our friendship.  We would laugh at the trials and tribulations of marriage and the "bickering" Mark and I would do.  Mark thought the world of her, one of the nicest and most genuine people he'd met, and I'd have to agree. 

I know this friend will understand when I finally call her back.  I just have to prepare myself, emotionally.  I hate that.  I hate that at even the thought of calling, I can feel the tears stinging.  I know she would understand and I know it's a hurdle I can jump over.  I've jumped this very same hurdle a million other times and it never gets any easier.  I will definitely call, soon. 

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope. ~Maya Angelou